Hoo-Ha Shenanigans

Why is it that once you are reminded of something, you can't get rid of that moment no matter how hard you try? Even though you were blissfully unaware that THAT precise moment had ever existed, until someone brought it up again. This has happened to me. And it has opened up a whole venue of embarrassing moments for me lately, revolving around the object that I have thus far managed to dance around naming. I hate talking about it. Hate, hate, hate. BUT MAYBE... yes.. MAYBE.. if I share with everyone.. I will be able to get it OUT OF MY MIND before I go insane!
So, you ready to find out what I'm talking about? The one thing I covet above anything else, and rarely like to share? The one thing I take pride and joy in, and lavish a ton of attention on? Ok, I'm embellishing. A lot. Just trying to throw you off track.
I mean really.. who wants to talk about their female parts? Their va-jay-jay (Hallie speak), their hoo-ha, THEIR WOMANHOOD???
Well, I do. Of course. Because if I didn't... it wouldn't be here. So, kick back, relax, and enjoy my moments of HORROR, where the main character on the scene is my hoo-ha.
I had a horrible pregnancy with Buckwheat. Constant urinary tract infections that were uncontrollable, combined with kidney infections that knocked on my door at least monthly during those grueling nearly-9-months. To top it all off, that nasty little demon had his head shoved as far into my canal as he could get it, without breaking my water. Sometimes I swore that if I stood over a mirror, I would be able to see him peeking back at me.. HE WAS THAT LOW. And not just for a week, or two, or a month... but NEARLY 3 MONTHS. The most uncomfortable 3 months of pregnancy to begin with, were topped off with my son's head grinding into my nether regions. But anyway, I'm being sidetracked.
At some point late in my 8th month, I had an incident where I thought that my water broke. A quick trip to the hospital (I was unsure anyway, I had Braxton-Hicks contractions that didn't always go away with changing positions) assured me that it wasn't my water. My son was laying on my bladder so heavily, that I literally never felt the need to relieve myself, and couldn't control myself. Yeah, laugh it up. That still isn't the reason I'm posting this.
Within the next few days after the water that didn't break incident, I started noticing a weird discharge of fluids. And, to me, it had a slight odor to it. All I could think of was warm fresh bread (please don't let that ruin fresh bread for you.. except for you, and you over there, and you RIGHT THERE.. I don't mind if it ruins it for you guys). So, on my next OB visit, I pointed it out to my High Risk doc while he was doing an internal.
Now, let me point out that I didn't care for my doctor. Not one bit. I had a hard time understanding him, his English sucked that bad. He had no bedside manner, and even less humor. I couldn't talk to this guy about anything.
Before he could rattle off a list of things to do/not do over the next couple of weeks and then run out the door without answering my questions, I cornered him while he was finishing up the exam. And that is where I mortified myself for the rest of eternity.
T-Bone was there for every appointment I had, with it being his first child, he didn't want to miss a thing. Plus, the internals were always so uncomfortable and sometimes painful, that I used him to keep me calm. So, he was there when I mentioned it. And he was there to witness what happened next.
That doctor gave me a queer look, asked me what kind of "smell" I thought I was noticing, and after I explained that to me it smelled like warm bread... he did something awful. So awful, that I wiped it from my memory. Until T-Bone brought it up again a couple of weeks ago.. in front of friends.
Tired of waiting to see what happened??? Fine, I guess I should share.
That doctor leaned between my stirrup-ed legs, stopped mere centimeters from my hoo-ha (which, by the way.. was still uncovered)... and sniffed me. Long and hard. He took in a whole lungful of my femininity.
My mouth dropped. My heart stopped. He stood, exclaimed that everything smelled just fine to him, and walked away, pulling the curtain shut behind him. T-Bone actually had to start tugging on my arm to get me moving, so I could get dressed and leave the appointment. He must have noticed the look on my face, for he didn't say a word. Not then. Nope. My hubby's sweet like that.
The next appointment was set, instructions were given, I left the office. T-Bone and I were well in the truck and belted in before I broke the silence.
"No, he DID NOT just SNIFF ME!!" T-Bone couldn't control it any longer. He started laughing so hard that it took him a while to compose himself.
I understand what possessed the guy to do it, kind of. It wasn't like he was being a big old pervert, he was trying to get the gist of what I was smelling. And what better way to do that, than to go to the source. It was just so unexpected that it startled the hell out of me.
When I think about it though, if he had politely asked "Would you mind terribly if I sniffed your hoo-ha to get an accurate take on what you think you are smelling?"... I would have kicked the living shit out of him.. for as long as my legs could reach him. I would have been offended, I would have been shocked, I would have put up a fight. So, he just skipped all of that, and did what he thought he needed to do.
And that was embarrass me for life. Yup, that man needs a medal. And, if you need someone to sniff your hoo-ha for you, I have his number. I hope you are attracted to portly old guys with no humor, or it isn't going to go over well.

Getaway Recap

We took off last weekend and made the just over 2 hour drive to Albany to visit our high school friend, Sara. We were originally supposed to head out nearly 2 weeks before we did, but a huge storm blew in and there was no way it was happening. Plus, to make it worse, the night before we were scheduled to leave for the second time, another storm blew in and had me chewing on my fingernails, waiting to see if it would clear up enough for us to leave in the morning.
Miraculously, all was clear Saturday morning and we prepared to leave.
Here's Buckwheat as we are preparing to leave, posing against the stack of shelving that will be used in his room once I get the bi-fold doors up, rug down, and new paint on the walls. Don't mind the monitor on the floor in my dining room, T-Bone has yet to take it out after it decided to stop working on his computer.Buckwheat and T-Bone posing, right before T-Bone hopped in the shower and dressed in real clothing, and not work threads. I have to remember not to take pics of him while wearing his EMT/Firefighter hat, it's reflective so that he can be seen in the dark while on a call.
We left at about 10:45 a.m., nearly 15 minutes behind schedule. On the way, I had to stop and head into a local grocery store to pick up some odds and ends that I either didn't have, or had forgotten. We hit lunch at McD's, and were on our way again.
Our second scheduled stop was at Brook's BBQ, the place rocks as I've mentioned before. We picked up 5 chicken halves to have with our dinner that night at Sara's. Fueled up, and headed out again.This was nearly an hour outside of our second stop, and around 15 minutes before T-Bone's first toll use encounter, which had him super nervous and wanting to pull his hair out. Did I forget to mention that T-Bone shaved in the car while I was in the grocery store? I think his pricey electric shaver that he had to have, has turned out to be a good investment after all!Buckwheat, at the same time, doing itsy bitsy spider. He usually doesn't play it without some extreme coaxing, so when I turned and saw him doing it on his own, I was impressed and managed to get a pic of it.
We had our harrowing turnpike experience, with T-Bone pissing other drivers off as he entered the wrong lane for the booths, then had to speed to catch the right exit right off it. Thankfully, these tolls were less than 15 minutes outside of Sara's home, so T-Bone had a bit of time to calm down before we pulled in the drive.
I didn't get any pics upon arrival, I think that getting settled in and reacquainted took most of my thought process, and I didn't manage to yank the camera out until all of us were in the kitchen, getting in the way, and helping/watching the dinner preparation.
T-Bone, in guest mode. He refuses to wear his hat in a kitchen, or near dinner time. Of course, he can't stand around chit chatting without his trusty sidekick, Old Man Dew. Those two are inseparable. The guy in the blue sweatshirt is Sara's hubby, Scott. And, on the right.. you can just barely see Sara at the counter.
Buckwheat, and Sara & Scott's little guy, Bug. They are both sitting in their big boy chairs for dinner time. The funny part about the big boy chairs? We brought ours up with us, and it turns out to be the exact same one that they have for Bug!Bug and Buckwheat, again. This time, Buckwheat is regaling us all with his prima ballerina pose. Yeah, he's a ham!T-Bone with the boys before dinner, giving them both antlers. Buckwheat calls it his big deer pose. He has millions!
Dinner was great, but Buckwheat was restless and really didn't eat like he should have. Bug, on the other hand, cleared his full plate, and asked for seconds!
After dinner, the boys played around while we all chatted. I have pics of them jumping on the bed that was made for us, pics of them playing, pics, pics, and more pics. But if I post them all at once, this post is going to be super long. So here are a few of my faves...
I was aiming for a pic of T-Bone as we were all chatting, and just as I aimed.. Sara scooted in for perfect timing! I LOVE this pic!Here's me and Sara. If I look kind of... agitated.. I was. A tad bit. We posed for this pic for at least 3 minutes before T-Bone actually got the camera to work. The look on my face is a tad pained, and for good reason. My eyes were burning from trying not to blink and ruin the pic, which would cause T-Bone to take another 3 minutes of posing to get another one! And, if you are thinking that Sara might belong to the clan of the short people, you would be wrong! She is actually maybe an inch or so shorter than I am. BUT.. I was wearing 3 inch heeled boots in this pic, and towered above her. I didn't realize it until after the pic was taken.I tried to do a one-handed-cam in front of face pic of me and T-Bone. It worked out all wrong, and I have the pic to prove it. But, to save my sanity with pic posting.. I will refrain from posting it. Yeah, that's the reason. Uhhh huh. Sure is. Sara took this pic for us, to save me another failure.Here's Sara, Scott, and Bug.. seeing us off on Sunday. We really did have a great time, and there was so much more to post about. But I'm wearing my lazy suit, and am so not in the mood to drag more pictures all over this blog. I told Sara that I would try to get them posted, and here they are!!

Giveaways Galore!

Whew, what a day. Not just one contest going on that I am so digging, but two!!! Read that.. TWO!

Firstly, and only because I don't want to have to page hop around, head on over to Di's blog and enter into her

Oscars Schmoscars...Gimme a Book!!!***CONTEST***

The more you travel around her post, the more ways you will find to get entered. And hey, who doesn't want one of these??That's right. A suspense thriller. And I.WANT.IT. Then again, there isn't much that I don't want. But still! A shot at a free book, and I'm all over it. I love to read. That just proves I'm not your average PA woodchuck. *nods* Deadline is Feb. 29th. The best day in 4 years!

Then, dust off your oft used brain and head on over to Hallie's. You read that right. Hallie. As in... Wonderful World of Wieners. The one and only, baby. This up north bundle of firecrackers is hosting a contest of her own.. limericks+dachsies=more wieners than anyone knows what to do with.
You may submit one limerick to enter, if you like. BUT.. for those creative types out there who love to limerick it up.. go ahead and link to Hallie's wondiferous contest in a blog post of yours and feel free to jam up her comments section with as many limericks as you can come up with!
Oh.. almost forgot the prize that will drive all of you readers over there. Shame on me. For your time and creativity, the winner will receive a gift card to Pier 1 Imports! I so need one of those.. dun dun DUN!! And, what a coinkidink.. her contest ends on the 29th too.
Please tell me you still aren't here. Like.. go already. Get. Skedaddle. And contest it up!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs

Somehow, while commenting on Asthmagirl's blog yesterday (it was a post about a fish with signs extending off it) I ran off on a tangent and turned my comment totally into blog fodder for me, and left me apologizing for forgetting the real intention behind my comment to begin with. Don't you hate when that happens?
Anywho, my tangent included the massive amount of signs that I need posted around my home to instruct others as to locations of general commonly used items, where things go, and other common knowledge things. My children, and T-Bone on occasion, can't ever seem to remember what certain things are used for, where they go, or what they should do with them. So, I could totally use me some of the following signs.
No matter how big my garbage can is, I wind up with odds and ends that didn't make it in on the first shot from across the room, on my floor. Behind the can, next to it, or most popular, in front of it. And, what makes it even better, everyone in my house will walk by these wayward items, kicking them out of the way if they have to, just to get to their destination. Sometimes, I have seen the same person pass by the same piece of wrapper on the floor not once, or even twice, but upwards of eight times before I get tired of it being kicked and I pick it up. I always thought a garbage can was a pretty simple concept. Extend arm with trash in it, drop, pull arm back, walk away. Not around here though. Somehow, this concept has been turned into a scientific experiment to figure out if items dropped 3 feet away from said garbage can will miraculously hover and float their way into that can. So far, the results are pretty inconclusive. I will keep you updated.Every single time I ask one of my children to vacuum the floor, I'm always asked "Where is it?" Now, keep in mind that my vacuum isn't the world's tiniest version of this working wonder. Nope. It's a Bissell®. It's upright. And it's over 4 feet tall. No way can you miss this thing, and it isn't like I hide it under my bed. If they put forth a tiny bit of effort (and really, I mean tiny) they would find it in one of 3, possibly 4, locations. All of which are highly visible. In the dining room next to the cabinet, in the living room next to the big screen T.V. (surely, they can't miss it when it's sitting there since they watch so much of it.. can they? Yup.), in the computer room next to the fish tank, or in it's rightful place in the laundry room next to the bi-fold doors. I don't use my vacuum cleaner as a torturous form of the Easter Egg hunt. Really, I don't. I want my floors vacuumed, and I want it done by someone other than me. So, I certainly would not hide it.Above all the other signs that I want around my home, this one is absolutely needed. My poor floor has had so many urine drownings that I think it's debating as to whether it should rip up linoleum and head the hell out of dodge, just to regain some of its composure. The younger boys in my herd do not know how to aim. At all. I purposely stalk the bathroom when I know they are in it, so I can go in and rescue the floor as quickly as possible as soon as they exit. Just like the garbage can, I really didn't think that hitting the target was that hard to do. But, hang around one day when the boys are here and watch the river run through it after I.P. Freely (a.k.a. Toad or Stubby) leaves the bathroom. You would be amazed, and might possible start trying to come up with an invention that delivers urine to the correct place each and every time. I would invest in it.
These aren't the only things needed around my home. I need signs instructing where to leave dishes, where they can eat at, and where their jackets go. Along with the signs, I need full blown instruction manuals telling how to vacuum correctly, how to deliver scraped dishes to their correct locations, and how to keep the toys in the rooms they belong in. Extensive manuals. As in, step by step with pictures. In 20 languages, just in case.

Menu Plan Monday 2/28-3/6

I'm so proud of myself for actually being on top of things this week! I'm pretty much trying a bunch of new things for this menu, I picked up a book of recipes called Taste of Home: Slow Cooker and it has a ton of recipes that I just can't wait to try. The best thing about this $5 book that I browsed through in the grocery aisle (and decided that I had to have it) is that it comes with 76 recipe cards that tear out easily, and are the perfect size!

If you are looking for more menus, head over to the Menu Plan Monday host site, Org Junkie. It's the best place to browse when you need some new ideas.

Thursday- Slow-Cooked Turkey Sandwiches*, Creamy Red Potatoes*
Friday- Out to dinner w/ runts (Chinese Buffet)
Saturday- Meatloaf, Homemade Mac 'n' Cheese, Carrots
Sunday- Hearty Beans with Beef*, Homemade Bread
Monday- Pizza Casserole*, Garlic Toast
Tuesday- Mix 'n' Match Omelette's, Toast
Wednesday- Leftovers
Slow-Cooked Turkey Sandwiches
6 c. cubed cooked turkey
2 c. cubed processed cheese (Velveeta)
1 can condensed Cream of Chicken Soup
1 can condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup
1/2 c. finely chopped onion
1/2 c. chopped celery
22 split sandwich buns, wheat is recommended
In a 3-qt. slow cooker, combine the first six ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 3-4 hours or until onion and celery are tender and cheese is melted. Stir before spooning onto buns.
Creamy Red Potatoes
7 c. cubed uncooked red potatoes
1 c. (8 ounces) cottage cheese
1/2 c. sour cream
1/2 c. cubed process cheese (Velveeta)
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
Paprika and minced chives, optional
Place the potatoes in a 3-qt. slow cooker. In a blender or food processor, puree cottage cheese and sour cream until smooth. Transfer to a bowl; stir in the processed cheese, onion, garlic and salt. Pour over potatoes and mix well.
Cover and cook on low for 5-6 hours or until potatoes are tender. Stir well before serving. Garnish with paprika and chives if desired.
Hearty Beans with Beef
1 pound ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can (16 ounces) baked beans, undrained
1 can (15-1/2 ounces) butter beans, rinsed and drained
1/2 c. ketchup
1/3 c. packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon barbecue sauce
1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
In a large skillet, cook beef and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain.
Transfer to a 5-qt. slow cooker. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on high for 3-4 hours or until heated through.
Pizza Casserole
3 pounds ground beef
1/2 c. chopped onion
1 jar (28 ounces) spaghetti sauce
2 jars (4-1/2 ounces each) sliced mushrooms, drained
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
Dash pepper
1 package (16 ounces) wide egg noodles, cooked and drained
2 packages (3-1/2 ounces each) sliced pepperoni
2 c. (8 ounces) shredded Cheddar Cheese
2 c. (8 ounces) shredded Mozzarella Cheese
Cook beef and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Add spaghetti sauce, mushrooms, salt, garlic powder, oregano and pepper, heat through.
Spoon 4 cups into a 6-qt. slow cooker. Top with half of the noodles, pepperoni, and cheeses. Repeat layers. Cover and cook on high for 1 hour or until cheese is melted.***
***I think that I will be halving this recipe, and preparing it in a casserole dish and putting it in the oven. Or, if I decide to leave the recipe as a whole, I will prepare extras and freeze them. As is, it yields 12 servings.
And, for those who noticed that Thursday contains 2 recipes that need to be put in the crock pot, you win 1 nerd point. Unfortunately, I have just 1 crock pot. So, Wednesday will be used to make the Slow-cooked Turkey Sandwich filling, for I think it would be best served cold although it doesn't mention it in the book. If I test it on Wednesday and find that I prefer it warm, I have this wonderful invention called a microwave. It's a life saver.
Anyway, there you have it! I'm on time for once, and I can't wait to get crockin'! That kind of sounds... xxx'ish. You know what I meant. :)