Twisted T-Bone

My niece mentioned having to do a book report the other day, and asked for input on some good reading material. She is in 9th grade, so anything somewhat worth reading would have been suitable for a report.
But, when T-Bone's around, you know it ain't gonna be that easy. Here's T-Bone's idea of perfect book report fodder, and what it really means to him. Honestly, it got me thinking outside the box. Which fits, as you will see.

T-Bone seems to think that Dr. Seuss was a big time druggie. And, on a further note, he thinks that Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham is a prime example of this hippie's wanderings in psychedelic euphoria. His take on the book is as follows...

I am Sam
I am Sam
Sam I am

Meet Sam. A.K.A., the big drug pusher. Sam's goal in Whoville? To wreak havoc upon little Who's with his drugs of choice, Green Eggs and Ham. In this harmless childrens' book, T-Bone finds the real inner soul to the entire ponderings found within. And Sam I Am is peer pressure, offering his Green Eggs and Ham to any willing soul that will take it. He even tries to entice them, by making some huge offerings along the way.

When it comes to Sam I Am, he will offer you any avenue imaginable that will grease the wheels of your imagination, and entice you into trying his drugs. His Green Eggs and Ham always look better when he offers them in the following ways.

Would you like them
here or there?
Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?
Would you eat them
in a box?
Would you eat them
with a fox?
Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.
You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree!
A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
on a train?
Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!
Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?
Would you, could you, in the rain?
Could you, would you,
with a goat?
Would you, could you,
on a boat?

See where T-Bone is coming from? There are only so many things that a poor Who can resist. And here, Sam I Am nearly offers the world.

He chooses one poor soul in particular for this rendition of his drug pushing. Of course, being that this book is really about drug use (in T-Bone's mind), the pushee is nameless to protect his identity.

And, in the beginning, this little guy really hates Sam I Am.

That Sam-I-am!
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am!

Now, to give this little guy credit, he does one hellacious job of refusing Sam I Am all through the ordeal.
He repeatedly refuses Sam I Am's offers on a platter, as you can see.

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not eat them in the rain.
I will not eat them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not eat them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
green eggs
and ham!

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.

He puts up quite a fight, through nearly the whole story. But the drug pushing Sam I Am keeps chipping away at poor unnamed's resolve until he finally breaks. And break he does...

Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

And this is where Sam I Am ropes in another one...

Say!
I like green eggs and ham!
I do! I like them, Sam-I-am!
And I would eat them in a boat.
And I would eat them with a goat...

And I will eat them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good, so good, you see!

So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am!

Another soul lost to the whacked out world of drugs. Peer pressure is hard to overcome, and poor unnamed couldn't fight it off any longer. He was sucked under by the illustrious Sam I Am.

Mind you, this is just T-Bone's take on Green Eggs and Ham. It really doesn't mean that the story is really about drug pushing. What it does mean, is that T-Bone has too much time on his hands. And that he needs to get a different hobby, and leave that poor cheeba puffin' Dr. Seuss alone.

Menu Plan WhatDay?

Yes, I realize that it is not Monday. And that I have been seriously lazy this week. BUT... Today is the day that I normally go shopping, so my week of menu planning hasn't been completely wrecked.. yet. Here's my menu for the next week!
Thursday- Fish Sticks, Ranch Bacon Salad
Friday- Pizza
Saturday- Spaghetti w/ Meatballs
Sunday- TBA (Race at sister's, tentative)
Monday- Pancakes, Eggs, Sausage
Tuesday- Kielbasa Chowder
Wednesday- Leftovers

Food just doesn't even sound good to me for the past week. I think I might still have a touch of the stomach bug from the week before (or maybe it's another bout of it, bleh), so food and I are not the best of friends as of yet.
If you are looking for more ideas for menu plans, head over to the land of menu plans by clicking on the smiley dude with the forks at the top of this post!

Convo One Liners

Conversation I had with T-Bone while heading out to do some shopping today, stemming from the usual "I love you more... No, I love you more" ordeal...
T-Bone:
"Honey, I have loved you in my past, love you in the present, and will love you in the future. I love you with my id, my ego, my everything. So, how does that make you feel?"

Me:
"Used."

Or, the one we had the other day getting into the car as it was still warming up...Sung to the tune of the Food..Glorious..Food song from Ice Age 2.
Me:
"Heat....glorious.. heat!!! I'm anxious to try it!"
T-Bone:
"300 degrees...."
Me:
"Our favorite climate!"

Number 1, you have to have seen the movie and recognize the song to know what I'm talking about. Number 2, I came back at T-Bone so quick with my last response.. that he couldn't stop laughing for a good 2 minutes!
I kill me sometimes.

Lonely Is As Lonely Does

I have pondered over the following dilemma for quite some time. Pondered over it so much, that I actually wrote an article about it. Yes, you can get to that article by clicking on the highlighted word right there. Impressive, right?

Anyway, my dilemma, if you didn't bother reading that article, is having absolutely ZERO friends to hang out with. None, zip, zilch. NADA. And it drives me nuts! I love to socialize, I love to entertain, I love to have adult interaction, dammit!

It actually feels more like pulling teeth when trying to get people to stop over to visit. This shouldn't be a difficult task. We aren't the "odd couple" that everyone tries to avoid (at least, I don't think we are) because we might try to force you to eat some sort of animal appendage that should never be thought of as food. We aren't bitchy, or moody, or crass. We aren't judgmental, or overly opinionated.

Our house is most generally clean enough for company, even if it's someone who isn't family. Yes, I feel there are two levels of clean.. family clean, and upscale clean. Most times, my house lingers between the two, so as not to offend guests that drop by out of the blue.

But my poor house stands on its own level of clean for no good reason. I should just trash the damned place, leave dirty dishes lying around with 3 months worth of mold accumulating on them. Dirty laundry on the floor, soda cans littering every free space, soiled diapers spilling out of the trash and onto the floor. Really, it wouldn't matter if I did this.. because NO ONE EVER DROPS BY!

Nine times out of 10, I will invite someone up for dinner, games, movies, social interaction.. and they deliver the lamest excuses about why not to drop by. Or just flat out lie, saying that they have other arrangements and can't make it.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that we don't have friends, as I stated earlier. I was exaggerating a bit. We DO have friends, and the loyal ones just happen to live far enough away that a drive out to our house for them is completely out of the way. We socialize on a pretty regular basis with 3 couples. Each of them happen to live fairly close to towns/cities that we drive to/through on a regular occasion.. so going to their homes isn't a big deal. But T-Bone and I like to entertain at home every now and then, in our own comfort zone. And it happens practically never.

On very, very, VERY rare occasions, my cousin and her hubby will come up for a round of game night. But it always seems hurried, one or the other of the two always has to work the next day. And, it never fails, that they seem more offended at the mention of appetizers than anything. Who wants to do a game night without freakin' appetizers?? Not moi! Plus, my cousin and her man don't have children. So that makes it tres awkward. We usually schedule game night around Buckwheat's bedtime, so that he isn't stepping on toes. Intermittently, we will head out with these two and go bowling, or just go for dinner and some shopping, but I don't honestly feel like we connect with these guys.

Of course, the ones I do connect with are the 3 couples that never drop by because of location. Location, location, location. *sigh* I think we are doomed.

I think that what makes it worse is the fact that our families never come up to visit. NEVER! My mother hasn't been here in so long that I really wonder if she even knows how to get here. His family drops by rarely, they all have super busy schedules and I'm sure that we are the last things on their minds after a long day of work, shopping, and bar hopping (did I just type that out loud?), along with overly sports active children who are involved in way too many leagues at once.

Anyway, enough of my rant. I would just love to run into a couple who doesn't mind having a 50/50 friendship. I don't mind going out of my way, as long as the same is reciprocated. We do have 1 male friend that we both worked with a year ago, who drops by whenever I e-mail him. He's single, he works too much, but he goes out of his way to drop by if I ask him to. Actually, he dropped down a couple weeks ago and had appetizers and dessert while we played some games, then we all kicked back and watched Number 23. I enjoyed it, and I'm glad that he dropped by. But.. he's single. There wasn't a female for me to relate to, although I get along great with him.

Are we the only couple who have this problem? We need interaction before we fall into a serious slump! Oh, and Sarasponda, if you are reading this.. we need to pick a date for T-Bone and I to make the nearly 4 hour haul up to visit with you. I'll make an exception for you, you don't drive. :)