Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs

Somehow, while commenting on Asthmagirl's blog yesterday (it was a post about a fish with signs extending off it) I ran off on a tangent and turned my comment totally into blog fodder for me, and left me apologizing for forgetting the real intention behind my comment to begin with. Don't you hate when that happens?
Anywho, my tangent included the massive amount of signs that I need posted around my home to instruct others as to locations of general commonly used items, where things go, and other common knowledge things. My children, and T-Bone on occasion, can't ever seem to remember what certain things are used for, where they go, or what they should do with them. So, I could totally use me some of the following signs.
No matter how big my garbage can is, I wind up with odds and ends that didn't make it in on the first shot from across the room, on my floor. Behind the can, next to it, or most popular, in front of it. And, what makes it even better, everyone in my house will walk by these wayward items, kicking them out of the way if they have to, just to get to their destination. Sometimes, I have seen the same person pass by the same piece of wrapper on the floor not once, or even twice, but upwards of eight times before I get tired of it being kicked and I pick it up. I always thought a garbage can was a pretty simple concept. Extend arm with trash in it, drop, pull arm back, walk away. Not around here though. Somehow, this concept has been turned into a scientific experiment to figure out if items dropped 3 feet away from said garbage can will miraculously hover and float their way into that can. So far, the results are pretty inconclusive. I will keep you updated.Every single time I ask one of my children to vacuum the floor, I'm always asked "Where is it?" Now, keep in mind that my vacuum isn't the world's tiniest version of this working wonder. Nope. It's a Bissell®. It's upright. And it's over 4 feet tall. No way can you miss this thing, and it isn't like I hide it under my bed. If they put forth a tiny bit of effort (and really, I mean tiny) they would find it in one of 3, possibly 4, locations. All of which are highly visible. In the dining room next to the cabinet, in the living room next to the big screen T.V. (surely, they can't miss it when it's sitting there since they watch so much of it.. can they? Yup.), in the computer room next to the fish tank, or in it's rightful place in the laundry room next to the bi-fold doors. I don't use my vacuum cleaner as a torturous form of the Easter Egg hunt. Really, I don't. I want my floors vacuumed, and I want it done by someone other than me. So, I certainly would not hide it.Above all the other signs that I want around my home, this one is absolutely needed. My poor floor has had so many urine drownings that I think it's debating as to whether it should rip up linoleum and head the hell out of dodge, just to regain some of its composure. The younger boys in my herd do not know how to aim. At all. I purposely stalk the bathroom when I know they are in it, so I can go in and rescue the floor as quickly as possible as soon as they exit. Just like the garbage can, I really didn't think that hitting the target was that hard to do. But, hang around one day when the boys are here and watch the river run through it after I.P. Freely (a.k.a. Toad or Stubby) leaves the bathroom. You would be amazed, and might possible start trying to come up with an invention that delivers urine to the correct place each and every time. I would invest in it.
These aren't the only things needed around my home. I need signs instructing where to leave dishes, where they can eat at, and where their jackets go. Along with the signs, I need full blown instruction manuals telling how to vacuum correctly, how to deliver scraped dishes to their correct locations, and how to keep the toys in the rooms they belong in. Extensive manuals. As in, step by step with pictures. In 20 languages, just in case.